just perfect...

Today was about as close to perfect as I can expect life at this time to be. I got to sleep late which always makes me feel decadent! I woke with a full day of doing whatever I wanted to do without any type of deadline or working around someone's schedule. I was able to mop my floors, wash my rugs, put up my dishes which I washed last weekend, doing my laundry for the week and organizing a couple of things I had been trying to get time to do. It was a beautiful day weather wise and I enjoyed being outside for a lot of the day. Lacey and I took a really long walk this evening. We went from our house to Central Ave behind the First Methodist church, then turned on 8th street and back to Ridge Ave. She is so easy to walk with because she never tugs on the leash and keeps pace with my gait. She also helps provide incentive for me to walk every night.
This evening I did my "beauty?" routine of shaving my legs and doing my toenails and fingernails. As I was shaving, I remember the first time us girls got to shave our legs. We used an electric razor and actually had so much hair between the three of us that we burned up the motor.
The one movie star I shared a birthday with died today. I was stunned when I heard that Paul Newman had died. I have seen just about every movie he ever made. He was also a great humanitarian and gave a lot of money to charity. That is so unusual to find in movie stars today.
I realized today that it has been exactly 4 months since my world was torn apart by discovering that Don and Sharon had been having an affair and were planning on leaving Tifton and living together. I still cannot believe it happened and I feel as though my ability to love and trust again will never, ever be the same. I don't like feeling this way...

Zooming by...

I can't believe how fast this week has gone by ! I was so tired by the time school was out that I came home and took a nap for about 2 hours. That was such an unexpected treat. I also don't have any outside obligations for this weekend. Call me crazy, but I am actually looking forward to just being at home and being a domestic goddess.
My classroom is becoming more like a storeroom at the moment. Not only do I have my regular "school" stuff there, I am storing stuff for The Wall. I have 9 helmets, 9 pairs of boots for the battlefield crosses for the field. Today I received 9 more boxes of flags. That brings the total of flags we have to put out on the road to 7000! I cannot wait to see them along side the road leading to where the Wall will be!
I also picked up the banners that are to be put up across 2nd Street and downtown next to Veteran's Park. They are absolutely stunning and I am really pleased with the design.
On a side note, I am looking forward to Travis and Sarah coming up for a couple of days while the Wall is here. It seems like forever since I have seen them and I really miss them. It is really nice when your children become adults and can be a sounding board or someone to hang out with.
Well....I can tell that my Prozac is not working and I am rambling on this blog so I think I will quit for today before I totally disintegrate mentally...

Some of the good things in life...

I am sitting on my bed and it is about 10:45 pm. Today was a FULL day. I taught school until 3:30, then had to work the concession stand (if we spent 4 million dollars on a stadium update, why is there no air conditioning in the concession stand?) until 6:00. Then I had my weekly Wall meeting at 6:30 which lasted till about 7:45. When I got home, the Sisters and Elders had just driven up for a visit. After they left, I had to go to Wal-Mart for a few necessities and now I am here...
Anywho...I found a treat at Wal-Mart--vine ripe cherry tomatoes. They called to me as I passed by and I-not wanting to be rude-answered their call. I scooped up a bundle of the juicy, sweet morsels and tenderly placed them in my basket. Since I had not eaten since lunch time, I could hardly wait to get home, put the groceries away, get into my comfy jammies and INDULGE. I am proud to report that they were just as good as I anticipated they would be! What a sweet and dare I say it-nutritious way to end the day as far as food is concerned.
Another good thing...When I got home this evening (for the final time) I walked Lacey down the street to the Suntrust Bank "grassy knoll" that is there by the ATM (across the street from the Post Office) I discovered that I can let her off her leash and she can run a good distance without getting into danger. Also there are not alot of cars going to the bank after 10:00 at night. Soooooo...When I let her off her leash, she rolled over on her back and shimmied down the knoll on her back by wiggling her buttocks back and forth. When she reached the bottom-she ran back up to the top and DID IT AGAIN! Then she came and sat beside me. It was truly a pleasant, quiet moment that was shared between me and the someone (or something) that loves me unconditionally. There was a light breeze blowing, the stars were twinkling and we snuggled and just enjoyed it. It was a perfect ending to a good, but busy day....
I truly am richly blessed by having a job I love, doing something for the community that gives me great pleasure, having the Gospel in my life, being uplifted by the visit by the missionaries and having a beautiful "bonding" moment between me, my dog and Mother Nature...

Read at your own risk...

Since I learned last night at my blogging class that my blog is really for me I have decided to present my total self and feelings rather than to be politically correct by pretending I have no personal life. If someone else wants to read my “real” feelings, they will be here for perusing by those brave enough to read my “ranting”. If someone is offended by what I write, I am truly sorry, but my feelings are my feelings-right or wrong.
Since the end of school I have been struggling to understand why my marriage to Don fell apart. I had no clue it was even in trouble. I will never forget the exact moment that I found out. It is etched in my mind in every detail. In my wildest nightmare, I never envisioned my sweetheart leaving me for someone who I felt truly close to-as close to me as a sister-I thought. I have since realized that the power of Satan is more powerful than I ever knew it could be.
When I think about the first week or so after Don left, I am mortified that I could have been fooled so easily by two people I loved. Their acting skills should have gained them an Academy Award! Up until a month or so ago, I felt deep in my heart that Don just needed time to realize that our situation was not as bad as the situation he is in now.
However, the Don I knew has apparently disappeared. I don’t understand who the person living in Florida is now. It is as though he has a split personality. I don’t understand how a person who loved the Church and has such a testimony of the truth can settle for less than what he could have or be. My only answer is that Satan knew he had the potential to do a lot of good with his priesthood and membership in the Church and so Satan used Don’s weaknesses to draw him away from me and the Church. Since his aborted heart surgery, I had already seen evidences of Don’s personality changing. I saw him sinking into a depression and he was more short- tempered than normal. Looking back now, perhaps it was because he was already into his relationship with Sharon. I realize that I can be difficult to deal with at times. However, there is nothing I was involved in that should have led to the destruction of my marriage.
I am so hurt that my efforts to increase our income and to clear my calendar of obligations to my job during the summer apparently destroyed my marriage. Don and I had talked about how excited we were because I would finally have a break from continuous school “stuff.” Don’s reasons for leaving me seem bogus when compared to the situation he is in now because those reasons are magnified in Sharon’s world. She teaching the same grade I do, she is now teaching the same subject I do, and she is working on a double major (why?) in graduate school. (You only get a pay raise for one master’s degree!) She has four highly dysfunctional children! WHY IS HE STILL THERE?????
There is no way I can even fight for my marriage. I know that “in the eternities” things will work out as they should. However, at the moment, I seem to be the only one who is hurting and heartbroken. Don and Sharon have become a couple without any problems. I just “handed” him over to her. I feel as though I was in a contest and didn’t even know it.
As busy as my days are these days and no matter how much I love my job, when I get home, it is so very hard to remain upbeat or happy without anyone to share my day with. Don’t get me wrong-I do love the peace and quiet of my home, but it is filled to the rafters with loneliness. Even if I get out and socialize, I still have to come home sometime to an empty house.
I am proud of my hard work on getting myself into shape physically and mentally, but who besides me really cares! I have no one to dress up for, to look good for or to make me feel special only to them. It seems I have spent my whole life looking for that. When I thought I had found the “special someone” , I never dreamed that it would not last.
I continue to pray for understanding and for help and guidance so I can avoid being destroyed by this greatest trial in my life. At least with Tom, I knew he died loving me with all his heart and I was able to deal with his loss because I had some sort of closure. I am not sure that this situation will ever have closure…

I learn something new everyday...

Tonight I went to a "How to Blog" class. It was taught by Carol. I must admit that she is quite creative in this area. I realized that although blogging is a great way to "keep a journal", it is also something that a person could spend several hours a day doing... Can I find a website that has a few extra hours that no one else is using---FOR FREE! ???
30 days from today the Moving Wall will have arrived and we will have finished with the Opening Ceremonies. It is hard for me to realize how quickly the time from the 2nd of Feb ( the day I received the phone call from the Vietnam Combat Veterans, Ltd.) until today has flown by...
Whew!!!
I found out tonight when I got home how much a part of my student's lives I am...one of my students called me to ask me a question about an upcoming project...(she had called me earlier with some more). This time she sounded upset about something. When I asked her, she told me her dog had just been run over and she was having trouble dealing with it. I told her that her priority at the moment was to do what she needed to with her "dog situation." When she hung up, she told me how much she loved me and said that she knew if she called me, I would make her feel better.
I truly believe that I have been blessed with a special group of students this year because the Good Lord knew that I had a hole in my heart because of the loss of my Sweetheart and i needed to have someone to love and who would love me unconditionally. My students this year are extremely compassionate and eager to learn. I absolutely love going into work everyday because of them...

Can it really be called a "day off" .....

Can it really be called a "day off" when you work as hard on that day off as you would have if you had been at work??? Today was one of those days....I took an "official" day off because I had a meeting with Mike Vollmer, the City Manager, Larry Riner, the assistant City Manager and Chief Smith, the police chief. We were meeting to start finalizing some of the "stuff" for the Wall visit. Well.......that visit resulted in my going to the school board to find out who was in charge of the maintenance department so they could help with the lighting of The Wall....that visit resulted in a call to the school board electrictian...which resulted in all of us meeting in the middle of the practice field...right where I was suppossed to be taking a day off from! However, I did get alot done and that was well worth the effort. I also went to the county clerk's office and signed another piece of paper in the divorce process that I didn't want to sign, but have no other option. I also went walking for about a mile and a half this evening. That really felt good. I have had so many late meetings recently that I have had to shorten the length of my walks. I can feel both a physical and a mental difference when I don't get to walk every day. One day at a time...one step at a time sure can change a person.

Can I have a few more hours in the next few days...

It is 9:00 in the evening and I have just gotten home from school. I had a meeting tonight to train my Wall volunteers how to read the book of names and how to do the rubbings. There are still a million things left to do, but my mind is getting tired and I am not sure what I am forgetting because I have never done this before! I know I have hit the big time now...Mrs. Eunice Mixon was at the meeting tonight!!! She is a legend here in Tifton and also at the Georgia State Capitol. In fact she showed me a list of some guys she is going to call tomorrow...Max Cleland, Johnny Issacson, Saxby Chambliss, Zell Miller, and she knows "the little girl who takes care of the Governor's scheduling" so she will just "ring" her up tomorrow. Ms. Eunice enthralled us all after the meeting with the history of how she came to make the commercial about the changes coming in February when all televisions will be going cable. She said that her "Albert, whose been gone for about two years and was "tighter than Jack's hat band" would love the fact that not only did she get paid $900 for the commercial, but she got flown to Memphis, picked up by a limo and treated her like she was a "real movie star!" I am meeting with the City manager and the Chief of Police to make some final arrangements for the Wall platform and security...I guess that is a sure sign that this is really getting close!

Priesthood blessings continue

This evening I realized once again how grateful I am for the Priesthood that my dad has. I am reaching the point with the preparation for the upcoming visit of The Moving Wall where I feel as though I am working two full time jobs-both of which I love. However, I find it difficult the past couple of days to get my second wind once I get home. So, I got in my car and went over to Mom and Dad's to ask Dad for a Father's blessing. He has given me some amazing blessing under the direction of my Heavenly Father. I always feel so much calmer and seem to be more receptive to guidance and direction after one of these blessings. I just want Dad to know how grateful I am that he is and has always been an example to me of what a patriarch of a family should be and how he continues to magnify his priesthood by using it to benefit the lives of others.

TGIF magnified!!!

You know how excited a person can get when they are looking forward to something. Well, that is how I felt about 3:30 this afternoon when the last bell rang. It has been such a long week and I really am looking forward to just some "me" time this weekend. Although I love my job and my students, sometimes it is nice to get home to the peace and quiet of a dog that doesn't bark and a cat that doesn't mew. 90 middle school youngins can sure talk alot-especially when it is a full moon and a Friday! I was thinking today about how much a life can change in 3 months time. At the beginning of the summer, I had a totally different life than I have now. My summer did not turn out at all like I had planned. However, because of a great deal of time spent on my knees asking for help from my Father in Heaven and a wonderful support system of family and friends, I feel stronger mentally and spiritually. One side effect of the trials and tribulations is that I lost weight because of not feeling hungry. I also had time to prepare some healthy meals. I had time to do alot of walking in the evenings. I absolutely love living in town and especially the location I am at. It is so close to the school, the neighborhood is quiet in the evenings and the roads are comfortable to walk on. I have managed to lose 50 pounds through lots of walking, watching my diet and staying busy. I feel healthier than I have in years. I guess it is true that to every horrible trial, there is a silver lining and unexpected blessings.

Finally.....

I should be in bed by now....but

I am finding it hard to get enough sleep these days. Once I get to sleep, I sleep well, but I can't seem to get home much before 8 or 9 0'clock. However, I do have a good reason...I have had speaking engagements/meetings about the upcoming Wall visit for 6 of the last 10 seek days! I think I can have some time to clean my house about the first weekend in November!
I think (?) I am grateful I have no one else to worry about when I come home...at least of the two legged kind. I am still managing to walk every night before bedtime. It helps to have my beautiful new addition to my household...Lacey, my golden retriever. She is absolutely a life saver and a great companion. She loves me unconditionally and only wants to give me one on one attention 24/7.
Well, my brain is telling me it is definitely bed time...more at a later time...

First attempt at this...

I actually have a few "free" minutes before I have to rush off to my next meeting, so I thought I'd jot don a few things that are no m mind..
I have chosen not to blog prior to this because I was dealing with issues that really brought my spirits down and I didn't want to inflict my "downer"moods on those people I love the most---my family. (Plus it is hard to type through tears!)
I feel as though I have reached a major milestone in that I can talk or think about my marital situation without crying 95% of the time. I know that my Father in Heaven has been a constant at my side during this trial and that He has heard my prayers and has enabled me to have the strength I so needed.
The time for the visit of The Moving Wall is getting closer and closer. I am in a state of controlled panic. I have so much to still do, yet there is so much that has been accomplished so far. I have met some truly special people directly as a result this project. I have had so many unique experiences that have come as a direct result of "heavenly intervention." This week alone, I have three speaking engagements. I have always felt comfortable in my classroom, but speaking intelligently in front of some of the elite citizens of Tifton can be really intimidating!! As much as I hate to get my picture taken, going on live TV is really a challenge! I think I am still recovering from the four and a half hours of straight sitting in a cheap plastic chair! However, I have learned that I will do whatever it takes and talk to whoever I need to in order to get the word out about the upcoming Wall visit. I am looking forward to standing back and watching the events unfold and people's reaction to their experience of visiting the Wall.
The Lord has blessed me with some truly great students this year. They seem interested and eager to learn and so (knock on wood) there does not seem to be any major discipline problems. The school day seems to go by so fast. I find it hard to believe that I sent home mid-quarters today!
I plan to start back to school on October 6th. I will be working on my 6 year Specialist degree online. I will be taking it through Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale. I will be finished with it in December 2009. My degree will be a Specialists in Curriculum and Instruction.
Well, gotta go for now......