I learned again this weekend that there are still trials I need to go through before the chapter of my life with Don is at an end. I learned that our court date is also the same day as the Moving Wall will be escorted and put up. The time for the court hearing is at the same time as the escort. As the court date seems to be out of my control, I have decided several things.
First... even if I do appear at the courthouse, nothing will change the inevitable result. As Don said on Saturday (with no remorse) "that was the day he was given and frankly he wants to get "this" over with as soon as possible."
Second... I truly believe that the man I feel in love with and have spent the last six years with died on that operating table at Phoebe Putney in April. I do not recognize the person who is in Florida now.
Third...As I sat in church today, I looked around and realized that I was physically alone. However, I was comforted in the fact that I was where I was supposed to be at the time I was supposed to be. All the lessons and talks seemed to have something applicable to my situation at this time. I felt grateful that the Gospel was such an important, stable part of my life and has been for years.
Don seems to have given up on that part of his life and although I love him with all my heart, I also realize that I cannot control his salvation-only mine. I feel great sadness when I think of him these days. I can truly understand how the prophets of old felt when they told the people of the calamities to come if they continued to turn away from the Lord-and the people continued in their sins.
I am by no means a perfect human being. But this summer, through this trial, I have come to realize that I am not a bad person. I have done alot of things that I am proud of. My task now is to persevere through this trial, try to keep myself grounded in the good thins in my life such as my family, the Gospel and my job and to try to learn the lessons my Father in Heaven has chosen for me to learn.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Aunt Susie I can't even begin to to tell you how much I admire you with your way that you have handled the tough times that have come your way. You have stuck to the gospel even when at times you may want to say "I don't understand." You have found ways to improve yourself when you can't improve the "people" around you. You are a great example of making the best of out of a bad situation. I hope you continue to have more good days than bad, we love you!
Nikki, Corey, and of course Derek.
Do you want me to go to the courthouse for you? Everyone says how much we favor. Though if you keep losing weight I really need to give up those m&m's!
I'm so proud of you. It seems that with your weight loss you've also lost some of your negativity with life. By doing so, you'll be surprised how much more people will be willing and wanting to spend time with you and enjoy your company.
I know from experience that that pew can be a lonely place, but just remember that there are usually others sitting in front and behind you so you're not really alone.
Post a Comment