My most recent life lesson....Doubt and Indecision are truly the tools of the devil. Being in limbo is a state that I don't want to be in any more in my personal life... Therefore, after several days and numerous hours spent in prayer and a wonderful counseling and consoling visit to my bishop, I have decided that today is the day that I chose to have closure in the recent painful chapter of my life. I was not able to have a choice in the beginning of that chapter. However, I can chose to bring about an end to the time of my life I have known as "Don and Me..." I have cut the final tenous thread that allowed me to hang on. My love for Don has not changed.. It is now relegated to a separate chamber of my heart. I will allow no more personal "picking at the scab on my heart." It is time to leave it alone and let it become a scar. He knows where to find me. I will not torture myself any longer with thoughts of his present life. I will remember my time with him with fondness.
I am not perfect nor do I claim to be. However, there are parts of me that are pretty darn good and special. If no one choses to see that in me-that is their problem--not mine. I cannot fix the problems of those I love. I can only continue to work on me...one day at a time...
I pray that the valleys of my life will be shallow from here on. I want to reach high, to challenge myself, to continue to work on stepping outside my comfort zone.
I am blessed beyond measure with two loving, supportive children. I have better health now that I can remember in a long time. I have a job I love. My days are not boring. I can still see, hold and talk to my parents. I have a wild and crazy family with many strange and unusual fruits and nuts on the family tree!
I am needed by many in my little part of the world. Maybe one day, at long last, I will be granted the desires of my heart. I have had a vision of heaven on earth, but that was a fleeting vision. I will trust in the Lord with my own heart and lean not unto mine own understanding...
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3 comments:
can I tell you how much I enjoy your blog!? For reals I just love to read it, it's like a...great great thing.
keep on rockin on!
Love you mom. Hold on to that vision. It will see you through the hard time. You are an inspiration to me.
You go girl !! I hear a conviction in your voice that was lacking before, I am thankful you have made the choice (even with a little shoving) to move on and be has happy as you can. Your family tree may be full of fruit and nuts (me included) but you have to know we are all just a phone call away and would come running in a heartbeat if needed
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