Yep... I'm still alive...

I know it has been ages since I posted anything. So let me try to catch everyone up on the basics...

1- James has gone MIA...(Please dont say I told you so...) I am not sure what happened except I have not heard from him since about 10 mins before he was to board a plane in Istanbul heading to New York and then here in Ga. I truly don't know if he is dead or alive, or if he was just the greatest illusion ever, but I knew going into the relationship that one of the possible outcomes would be that he wouldn't show up at some point. I am really okay with everything.... Now I know why I have been through so many different endings to my different loves... However, I will never give up hope that God may yet still send me a miracle and that would be a man (alive and breathing) who will love me unconditionally for the rest of my life... Anything other than that will just be icing on the cake... I think I am a good person and deserve to be loved deeply by someone....

2- A week before James' expected arrival, I was diagnosed with a huge hernia...However, the doc says it was probably caused by my weight loss (as of today that is a total of 54 pounds) and since I am not done yet, he doesn't want to operate on it. Also, the expected recovery time will be about 6 weeks and I don't have 6 weeks of free time to give to this problem at the moment.

3- A week after James was supposed to be here, I got word from my landlady that she had intentions of selling her house and I needed to move..... in 5 days!!! Well, with the help of Jimmy, Tabi and a volunteer/good friend who had an 18 foot trailer, I did it... I am now regally installed in the "spare?" bedroom at Jimmy's house for the time being...

4- I keep getting impressions that something phenomenal is just around the corner for me in my life... I am not sure if it is a new love, a new job or a new place to live that is not in Tifton... I have been thinking seriously recently about where I might like to move to maybe this summer....Too long to go into the reasons why here, but I really have no reason not to think about things such as these...

Stay tuned.. more episodes later from the "boring life of Susan..."

Just a reminder...

This will be a short post... Just a reminder as to one aspect of my personality that may not surface many times...
When I am really quiet...it usually means that
1- I am not feeling well at all or
2- I have some problem, situation, worry, whatever you want to call it on my mind or
3- A combination of both...

Right now, I am really, really quiet and that is why this post is short....

Things are good, in fact, wonderful overall, but there are a couple of major pockets of trials I still have to get through...

I just ask for your prayers to be added along with mine...

Talk to everyone later... when this trial is through

Update...

This week.... better week in most ways... Getting to love my students more each day... if I could just remember their names... I keep getting someone added everyday!!
Serious story... Too sad not to be true...
Chapter 1 in our book is about the Geography, physical features, etc. about Ga. There are a couple of Indian Words that are pretty cool, and I know my kids are familiar with at least one of them... Okefenokee Swamp...it means "Land of the Trembling Earth...Piedmont...At the foot of the mountains... WELL... Thursday, one of my darlings comes up to me and said...Ms. Tucker, there is a cuss word in this book... I looked at her and said.. really, show me...so , she pointed to a picture of one of the rivers in Ga...As I stared in amazement, I was desperately trying to figure out what the heck she was talking about!! Finally, i asked her to show me the specific word...She said...it's right here... It doesnt have the meaning right beside it because i guess the people who wrote the book didn't want people to get mad! I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT ...when she suddenly says, "Doesn't this mean ...Hoochie who talks a lot...The river's name is the Chattahoochee River!!!!! I almost lost it!!!!
And it is only week 2!!!

Realizations

This weekend has been a series of realizations...
My parents are getting older...
My "free" weekends have officially ended
My classroom is too close to the nurse's office at school
No matter how hard a person tries, there is no way everyone is going to be happy by a decision made
The decisions we make when we are younger really do have a lasting affect on those we love.
No matter how close you are to someone, there are things about them you never really know bother them.
It is impossible to describe an abstract feeling to someone who has no idea of that feeling.
I wish that physically not feeling good were not so closely related to mentally not feeling good...
I wish there were less people in the world who judge and more who love unconditionally

One of those rare days...

Today, I have had the luxury of doing absolutely nothing if I chose not to! However, I did do my laundry... all two small loads, my dishes...all 18 pieces of unwashed miscellaneous dishes used this week, and gave Lacey a bath...probably the last one she will get between now and December break. I didn't make it to bed at my regular hour yesterday... I actually feel asleep at 6:00 on my love seat and in my school clothes... I did stay awake from 8:30 till around 10 and then was back in bed... Such ended the first week of school! Today, James surprised me by leaving early from his work site and getting online about two hours earlier than he normally can. We were able to talk on IM for quite a while which was really nice. Because of the 7 hour time difference, it is difficult to get a time when either he or I are not sleepy and ready to go to bed. He is getting worn out after over three months working 12-15 hours a day/7 days a week and is really ready for a break. We are waiting on the company in New York for paperwork and second installment of funds and then he can come back here for a well deserved break. The best part is that we actually get to meet in person! Quite frankly, since my summer was consumed with classes and getting ready for the upcoming year, I could use a break too! I am learning to be grateful for the little things in life. The power of prayer and tithing is working miracles in the lives of my children and I am praying that some of that spills over into my life at the moment. Limbo is not a place I like to linger long... Till later..

Bring it on!!

Okay...so I have more students this year than I ever have before (110)...so about 10 of them are special education students...so what if I am just days away from taking two "less than exciting" online classes.... I AM A TEACHER !!! BRING IT ON !!
Seriously, I think my students this year will be a really fun group. I had my "come to Jesus meeting" with my second period, so I think I might have nipped potential misbehavior in the bud in that class, but the others already have their own personality. Most of them stated that they don't like History. So I told them I was going to give a lesson next week where I would show them that "Mrs. Tucker "sees dead people!" Actually, it's my now almost world famous CSI lesson, but at least I got their attention until next week. :-) Parental support seems good at the moment. We had about 60 show up for Open House. I have the son of the lady who does my hair in my class, I have a cousin of one of my former students (the cousin said I was really cool) and I have the sibling of one of my first year students. I guess I have been teaching long enough now to say I feel comfortable doing it. For those of you who don't realize it.... this is my 7th year teaching!! Whatever is in store for this year...BRING IT ON !!!

Farewell, Summer...I wish I knew thee well....

I have no idea where my "3 Free Month's of Summer Vacation" went... Probably the same place that my "3 free days off without pay before December"..Anywho...
I will just take a moment and tell the world as I know it...Hasta Lavista...until about December anyway...Although officially, we teachers don't go back into the classroom until Tuesday, Aug 4th, it is surprising (not) how many cars have been up at the school for the last week or so...I must confess I have spent far less time up there this year than in previous years...I just can't get mentally "into it" at the moment. Could be that I am burned out, brain dead, tired, pooped or all of the above from my "restful" summer. I love my job as a teacher... just have a problem with "cookie cutter teaching", "teacher pay based on standardized test scores", "playing politics", "eye candy teachers" and several other small issues like that. I think I would have made a wonderful teacher in a one room schoolhouse...Wait ! I would have had to teach Math! Forget it! I learned several new things over the summer that I am anxious to put into practice in my classroom and all the above mentioned issues be D---ned!
Couple of side notes... I have been asked to be the guest speaker at the DAR's Constitution Celebration supper on September 22nd. My topic will be "Why the Constitution is still an enduring document." Whew!! Heavy topic!
I was approached by the Assistant Chief of Police (Former Marine, survivor of Iwo Jima and good friend) about the possibility of having my History Club youngins at the Veteran's Day Observance for the City of Tifton this year. Purpose- they will be laying a plaque for the Marines at Veteran's Park and they He and the Chief, along with several of my veteran buddies wanted my kids to witness it and be a part of that history, also. I told him that chances were slim to none because it would be during the school day. He said that he and the Chief would see what they could do.
My third of five semesters of my Graduate classes also begin in August. The 17th to be exact..These will be research related classes...Yuck!!!! They will not end until December 11th. Then I will be on the downhill slope to my Specialist Degree!
Sometime during all these fun activities, I will be trying to find my "life." So, if you don't see me...don't despair! Just look for me at one of four places...
At home, at school, online or at church!! See Ya!

Jennifer's 5 things....

AUNT SUSAN:

1. Overcoming trials- Wow... I really don't know what to say about this one...If I had planned my life when I was younger, I would have certainly given myself some different "situations" to deal with in my life than the ones the Lord has blessed me with. I am now at that point in my life that I do consider my past trials "blessings." Over the past 10 years, I have had a couple of major growing and learning experiences that I would never wish on anyone. At the same time, I have been forced to do a lot of soul searching, revamping of my priorities, learned to genuinely listen for an answer to my prayers and to take one day at a time and live it to the very fullest. Many times, those days have been broken down to "if I can just get through the next 30 minutes" type days. I am a much stronger person in my personal goals, my spirituality and also am in a unique position as a teacher to teach my students from my lessons of my trials and to truly empathize with my colleagues/church family members upon the death of their spouse (Pat Davis comes immediately to mind) and to have truly felt the power of Satan intrude right into my home... Without the support system of the church/family/friends and especially my children, I would have collapsed years ago...But I was taught early in life by Mom and Dad to do my very best in whatever I wanted to accomplish. I am not perfect by any means, but I consider myself at a point in my life to where I think I can survive just about anything---because I already have...
Thank you Heavenly Father for loving me enough to send me through the refiner's fire and protect me as I came out the other side...
2. Girls Camp- This was not one I would have expected!! It seems like a lifetime ago, but I must admit that although I had no clue as to what I was doing, the Lord, once again, proved that He takes care of Fools and Children...! I remember every aspect of the planning and the miracle of watching something from my imagination come to life... Would I want to repeat the experience...I take the 5th on that one!!!
3. Calligraphy- Oh, how neglected this particular skill is in my life. Funny, though, I do have a project I am working even as we speak for a special friend and it is the first serious calligraphy project I have worked on in several years! I have felt a real reawakening of interest in refining this talent(?) I would love to know why you chose this one, Jen....
4. History- If I have one passion in life, it is this topic. Believe it or not, there are some parts of history and some country's history that I could care less about. But those other ones....WOW... Why I feel so alive when I am learning about things, people, events of times past, I have no idea, but I cannot seem to get enough knowledge of this topic to quench my thirst...so on I go.. I also have been blessed to see the effects my passion have had on my students when they start to hunger to know more of this subject they had always hated!! Yep... that is one reason I teach!
5. Pizza Hut- Until I start back to school in one week, Pizza Hut was the one job I held the longest. I worked in 3 stores in two states. It has changed so much now that I hardly recognize the products I worked with or helped introduce. Man, the hours, the lessons learned, the skills honed, the free left overs that helped me feed Travis and Sarah when I had no other way, the love of waiting on the customers--this job truly had an impact on my life and that of my children....

Thanks, Jen for this topic...

Well... the time is fast approaching...

In 3 weeks, I will be knee deep in Pre-Planning. In fact, I will be getting ready for Open House...the one thing I can't quite figure out with my Principal is why the kids know where they are going about 2 weeks before even the teachers know who we will be teaching... Kinda makes us look stupid when we meet the parents two days before school actually starts and we say... Oh, let me look at your schedule to see if you do indeed have me for a teacher...Rumor has it that this year we will have no "gifted" students on our team...I am actually kinda glad. It seemed like the majority of the ones we had last year were too lazy to use their gifts or their parents were concerned why their darling angel had a 99.9% average instead of a 100%.
Anyhow, I was in my classroom today trying to get it ready for this next year. For those of you who might have forgotten (or really don't care) I will be starting my 7th year of teaching in three weeks! Only 23 more to go and I can retire !!!
Just for the record, the door to my classroom remains unpainted, the blinds have not been touched for two years now and the 7 layers of paint on my walls continue to flake off...But we do have a jam up great weight room for the kids... Ah, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Did I say I taught because I love to teach...not because I am dazzled by my opulent surroundings!

New people...

This was the week for me to meet new people...
First, Travis and Sarah brought a friend home with them this weekend. Actually, Lindsea is more Travis' friend than she is Sarah...although she like Sarah too! Anyhow, she is the first girl that Travis has brought home to meet Momma-so that makes her special...

Then, this afternoon, I got to hold the new little addition to the Vicars family...It was kinda hard to tell what she looks like except that she seems to be a combination of Nathan and Samantha and has black hair and it is currently a copy of Ryan's hairstyle ! Of course, in my conversation with the little one- as then un-named-I told her that her Aunt Susie was the best Aunt she could have and she didn't differ with me... In fact, she remained perfectly silent so that automatically means that she started out her life agreeing with her "bestest Aunt." Smart youngin...!! She was truly a beautiful little angel and my congrats go out to the Momma and Daddy...

Journey of self re=discovery continues...

I knew I was addicted and needed some major help when, the last week of the summer institute class, I found myself counting the hours till it was over and I could get back to a normal routine of walking and exercising!!! OH, MY GOSH!!! What is wrong with me..
NOTHING!! I have just discovered that in the past year, my health has improved tremendously due to my weight loss
I discovered that my self-esteem is growing every day..because I am proud of the hard work and effort I have done to get to where I am now...
it was actually fun?? shopping for school clothes this year... I am wearing clothes 4 SIZES SMALLER THAN THIS TIME LAST YEAR!!! AND I AIN'T DONE YET!!!

any of you who want to join me...please feel free...

DON'T READ THESE POSTS OUT OF ORDER.. !!!.

If you read these last three posts out of order, you will only have yourself to blame for the confusion because I warned you....

Random Thoughts....PART 3

in reading this post remember something...UNLESS YOU HAVE WALKED THE SAME PATH MY LIFE HAS TAKEN...DO NOT JUDGE ME...I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT IN MY LIFE...

I am sharing this next series of random thoughts because not only are they important to me, but because i want to quietly share what I consider to be a miracle...
Toward the end of May, I was sitting on my love seat at home. I was home with a severe case of laryngitis...I received a message saying that I had a flirt on my profile on the singles site. When I read the flirt, it was not the usual one... It said "You made my day..." Please see my message to you..So, I read his message... It said "I have read your profile and I think it is incredible. I also think you are gorgeous...stunning even." Of course, by the time I read those words, I knew this guy was some sort of nut case.. Because I tend to be belligerent with people when I do not feel good, I sent James an email back asking him to check a couple of things for me... #1= his age (he is 48) and #2 HIS EYESIGHT !! He immediately sent an email back that said that age was just a number and that after checking, double checking and triple checking his vision, it was just fine--and I needed to move on from there.
Thus began what continues today a wonderful, developing relationship between James and myself. Two days after our first contact, he flew to New York to present a proposal for an international building project- 12 12 story hotels on the island of Cyprus. He felt he stood a good chance of getting the project for a couple of reasons... He is half European and he has been in the construction business for over 20 years. Long story short... out of 26 presenters, he was awarded the contract. He had to be in Cyprus 3 days after winning the contract. So, he has been in Cyprus since the first week of June. So, NO, we have not met in person yet... NOW... STOP RIGHT HERE IF YOU ARE THINKING OF JUDGING MY ACTIONS OR EVEN HIS...

I say those words because I tired of people presuming that I have not thought out, prayed about, talked out with trusted people, prayed about and prayed about this situation. There are a hundred reasons I could list, but won't why I continuing a relationship with James...It is even blossoming into one that is quite special...on both of our parts... I look forward to meeting this special and unique person, That should happen around the first week of August... If it doesn't it wont be because of a lack of effort on both of our parts. Do I know exactly what will happen with this relationship.. NO... Am I cautious.. yes, but have sought guidance from my Heavenly Father many times since "meeting" James... Have I examined what would be the worst that could happen in this situation... YES... He could be less than he appears to be and could end up breaking my heart... WAIT... that has already happened to me....and I survived.... OR, He could end up dying on me.. WAIT...that has already happened to me also... OR, HE could be an axe murderer and be intent of taking my life.... WAIT! if I am dead... I wont worry about how or who!! WHAT IS THE BEST THAT COULD HAPPEN IN THIS SITUATION.... I COULD MET A MAN WHO HAS THE POTENTIAL TO MAKE ME HAPPEN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I know he does now. His project in Cyprus should take about a year. Just about the time I have left on my Specialist Degree....who knows what will happen...NO ONE! But I am continuing to take one day at a time and listening for guidance and trusting my feelings....isn't that what we are all supposed to be doing???

Random thoughts....PART 2

Same disclaimer as for part 1...

I put my profile on the LDS singles site in about April. By the middle of May, I had had some nibbles but no serious bites...
Then within the course of one week, I was contacted by two men-both from areas around Atlanta...Thus began my summer into dating again.
Now, every time I have ventured out into the dating world, I have broken some kind of ground or done something that has not yet been done in the family... Well, the unwanted tradition continues...
Alan and I had our first date on the day after Memorial Day. I will say that we had a wonderful time. The best part of the day, besides the fact I actually was on a date, was the fact that this particular date helped to push out unpleasant and heartbreaking memories of a year ago on the day after Memorial Day. Instead of obsessing that it was the anniversary of the day I thought my life had ended. I had a wonderful time and many pleasant memories of that date with Alan. He visited Tifton a couple of times before he moved. He is now in Houston, Texas about to begin his new job there. We have developed a very unique friendship that is built on honesty and the knowledge that we were not "marriage" material for each other, but instead friends who are in the same thought process about their futures.. We talk frequently.

Random thoughts that have been on my mind...PART 1

Disclaimer....this is one of those posts where if you are offended by what i write let me remind you that it is MY thoughts and blog and you can choose to disagree....READ AT YOUR OWN RISK !!

As I have only 3 weeks and 2 days left before I begin my 7th...YES!!! SEVENTH YEAR of teaching, i have taken this opportunity to think back on my summer non-vacation. Yes, I said non-vacation because I have worked every day since getting out of school this year on something school related....
I was privileged to participate in the South Georgia location of the National Writing Project Summer Institute program... 2000 teachers were scattered about in various locations throughout the country in a VERY INTENSIVE 4 week learning seminar. It was one of the most grueling academic tasks I have undertaken thus far in my professional career in Education. I barely survived physically and my mental seemed to have left me the middle of the third week...but I did earn 6 Graduate Credit hours for my Specialist Degree. Instead of earning them in the normal 15 week semester, by taking this summer institute, I earned them in 4 weeks!! NEVER AGAIN AND I DO MEAN THAT!!!
About the middle of May, I saw Don for the last time... I feel quite sure that it will be the last time. I know that my heart has healed from that trauma because of several things. On the day I saw him, he came to the school, just before the beginning of one of my class periods. I actually experienced the "dropping of the jaw" syndrome when I watched his reaction to me when I walked out the door of the school. Something had told me that day to dress really professionally instead of the "end of school" mode dressing teachers have when we are cleaning up for the end of the year. That day, I was wearing a black dress, white jacket, white sandals, my hair was actually looking good and my tan was pretty well visible. I felt I looked pretty good for me... Apparently it wasn't lost on Don, because after he picked up his jaw, he told me I looked good. I told him that i felt wonderful... (Then he mentioned that Sharon would be in a wheelchair by the end of the year-because her knee is totally "blown" and that she was developing heart problems...) Was I sorry to hear about her health problems... I take the 5th on that one!!! Anyhow, I realized I was healed totally when I was looking at this man who I was once married to and although he looked physically pretty much like the man I married, there was no life or sparkle in his eyes...and I kept thinking "I've got to go back inside--My students need me. This person doesn't. So, for those of you who may have been worrying about me.. by the process of hours on my knees and intense soul-searching, I have survived and live to perhaps love another day...
Toward the middle of May, I met two different men by means of the church's singles site. Both of them were in the Atlanta area when we first established contact. Now, neither of them are even within the state of Georgia's boundaries. Alan, who I met first is now employed in a town just outside of Houston, Texas. His purpose in my life was to provide for me some special companionship at a time that was desperately needed. He did not know this, at first. We had our first date on the anniversary of day that I found out that Don was leaving me. We had a wonderful date. So, now my memories of the day after Memorial Day are now pleasant and the other memories no longer have the power to hurt me. Yea, though I walk through the valley of Death, I will fear no evil... for the Lord, My God am with me...

LOOK WHAT I LEARNED TODAY

Picture Day

June 24, 2009
Picture Day

I absolutely hate having my picture taken. I know hate is a strong emotion, but that is my verb I am using and I’m stickin’ to it. I know they are unavoidable, but that doesn’t mean I have to like the process. In my 6 years of teaching, I have managed to avoid getting my picture taken three of those years. I had enough pictures taken of me the last five days of October of last year (when The Moving Wall was in town) to last me the rest of my life and my children’s lives. Although I know that I have lost fifty pounds in the past year, when I look at a picture of me, I can’t see where I have lost any. I think I can now understand how people with eating disorders can be skin and bones and still think they are a tub of lard. We do have the yearly ritual of having family group pictures made at the reunion we have every year. I consider the photographer of those shots (usually a cousin) to be a professionally paid redneck photographer. We actually counted the double chins on family members in one of those pictures from a few years ago and we stopped when we got to 24! I used to think that I was developing a horrific case of wrinkles. Then I replaced the mirror in my bathroom and discovered that my wrinkles were actually the cracks in the glass-the result of the obligatory perusal of myself in the mirror just before I leave the house. When one of my students ask me if I have a mirror, I just get this hysterical laugh and look at them as if they have asked me if I have a million dollars!

Free Writing Topic for 6-30

Things I carry....

Starting right here…right now
The baggage from the past
Gets routed to the unclaimed area
I do not want it anymore.
Therefore, I will not claim it.
It weighs me down…
Diverts me from my purpose
On this trip called life.
At one time, my baggage
items seemed so important.
Today, those relics from the past
I no longer want nor have a use for.
Therefore, they are sent to
The special place reserved only for
Unneeded baggage such as mine
Lighter than before and unfamiliar with
The freedom of unwanted baggage,
I step onto the escalator of life
Not knowing where it will take me but
Knowing that it will move whether or not
I am in step.
Apprehensive, yet excited… I begin
The next stage of my journey.

Free Writing Topic for 6-29

June 29, 2009
Whatever happened to...

When did it become socially acceptable to become commonly rude? When did seeing how rude you can be to someone become such a game? It makes it hard to go in public at times because of the effort it takes to deal with the rude actions of people. Who died and said that it was okay to let your kids run wild, whine loudly and bother other people when in a restaurant? If my children misbehaved in public, not only would they lose the privilege of eating out, but of also doing whatever was planned afterward. When did the pendulum change and it suddenly became the thing to see how much disrespect you can show your teacher. One of the most draining aspects of being a teacher is the constantly evolving mind games that kids today play. Do they get up one morning and said “How can I make this day almost impossible for my teachers to deal with?
When did it become acceptable to act like a real patoot to those around you in the movie theater, the checkout line, even on the highway? There is like an unwritten code that the youth of today buy into that allows them to say what they think. What happened to moderation in all things. And appreciation of what you have because you worked hard for it? I am from the “good old days” and although there are many new things in society today that I appreciate and are becoming increasingly difficult to live with… rudeness, last of caring for people and possessions and loss of respect for positions that people hold are not among those.

P.S. Whatever happened to my brain...you know that saying "to just let your mind go...well, i did and it hasn't found its way back yet! I miss it!

My Addiction

My Addiction…
I admit it.. I have a serious addiction…I love children’s books…not all of them mind you because I am a very selective addict. My memory of books begins with a series of encyclopedia type books we have had in our family as long as I can remember. I don’t remember the name of the books at the moment( senioritis) but I do remember that each of them have on the inside cover an onion skin page that covers a beautiful fairytaleish type drawing. Lifting up that page was almost like unwrapping a present. I remember being addicted to the Winnie the Pooh series books to such an extent that Momma forbade me to check out anymore from the school library. There were also a series of biographies of famous people that were written just for students. These books were blue and only about 200 pages long. I think I devoured everyone of those during one of my reading frenzies. How can I possibly forget the Nancy Drew/Hardy Boy books…Yep, read them all, too…! I remember the “Little Black Sambo” books… I know they are not politically correct these days, but the vision of Little Black Sambo running around the tree being chased by the tiger until they went so fast the tiger turned into butter is etched into my mind…for what purpose…who knows! But it’s there. I loved the Velveteen Rabbit story and the Little Boy Blue story poem by Eugenia Price about the boy who played with his toys then kissed them and placed them ever so gently where they belonged…
”"Now don't you go till I come," he said,
"And don't you make any noise!"
So toddling off to his trundle-bed
He dreamt of his pretty toys.
And as he was dreaming, an angel song
Awakened our Little Boy Blue --
Oh, the years are many, the years are long,
But the little toy friends are true!
Ay, faithful to Little Boy Blue they stand,
Each in the same old place,
Awaiting the touch of a little hand,
The smile of a little face.
And they wonder, as waiting these long years through,
In the dust of that little chair,
What has become of our Little Boy Blue
Since he kissed them and put them there.
As I have grown older and had the blessing of my own children, I discovered a couple of books that my daughter and I share a love of. In fact, a couple of years ago, on Mother’s Day, she gave to me the book “The Giving Tree” and “Guess How Much I Love You.” As a single mother most of their lives, I always wondered if I had deprived my children of the things most kids their age had. I have discovered as they have grown into adulthood that the things I cherished as a child…the love of reading….books always available…the library card… the quiet times to indulge a passion for reading are part of the legacy I have passed on to them. So… for Travis and Sarah…my little ones now grown big and tall…
“The smaller hare is getting very tired now, it must be way past his bed-time. He looks like he might admit defeat and as Big Nutbrown Hare cradles him tenderly in his arms he is "almost too sleepy to think anymore." Then suddenly as he is tucked up in his bed of leaves inspiration comes to him, nothing after all is bigger than the sky . His last words on the subject are "I love you right up to the moon," As he hears Big Nutbrown Hare's acknowledgement that that is indeed very great he drifts off to sleep, he doesn't hear Big Nutbrown's final reply, "I love you right up to the moon - and back."…. Thanks, SamMcBratney

latest venture in the field of writing

I Still Need You…
You entered my life when I was but two,
Not old enough to know or understand
how precious you would become to me.
You were by my side when I started school.
Every milestone of my life, you have been there
to celebrate, to lend your shoulder on which to cry, to
listen to me when no one else would or even could.
As we lay in bed-side by side and I cradle you in my arms
you seem to know just what I needed.

Your name- “Sarah” which means “Princess”
I have now passed onto my little “princess”
The ravages of time have not been kind to you
Your physical body shows the effects of
The journey you have taken by my side.
Your feet have been rubbed smooth
Your wispy tail is merely a cottony shadow of its former self
The pastel pink of your ears has faded in all
but the farthest tiny crevice of the tip.

These do not matter to me now.
What matters is I still love you and hold you.
My treasured bunny from Granddaddy….
when I was two and not old enough to
Understand how precious you would become to me.

FYI...

here is the website that will give you a little more info on what i have been going crazy doing the past couple of weeks

http://www.nwp.org/cs/public/print/resource/2884

here is my first published memoir...

Disclaimer: A memoir is an account of a memory.. this is a memory that is seared into my brain with absolute clarity.. read it at your own risk...


In The Driveway…Just that Morning
Susan L. Tucker
It was 8:00 and I was still in bed on that morning after Labor Day. I was being totally lazy and decadent while watching Tom dress for work. Suddenly the phone on the bedside table came to life with a shrill noise. Oh, man. Who is that? What do they want… ”Hello.” It was the secretary from Charles Spencer Middle School.
“Mrs. Clawson, How are you? Are you working today? We’ve just had a teacher call in sick.”
Because I could think of no reason not to go, I said, “I’m fine. No, I’m not working today. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
While I showered, Tom, my sweetie and husband of six months, fixed my lunch of a ham sandwich and chips and packed my substitute bag full of the 5 minutes time fillers, puzzles, and reading materials he knew I usually took with me-just in case. In a bit, we were both ready to leave. He walked me out to the carport and put his IKON service log book and briefcase into his car while I put my purse and sub bag in my car. I was about to get in when I heard him call my name. I turned around. He was walking slowly toward me and I had ample time to drink in the image of him. His mostly dark hair sparkled like diamonds as the sun bounced off the gray strands scattered throughout. His baby blue shirt brought out the vividness of his blue eyes. God…how I loved that color on him! He had rolled his shirt sleeve cuff up on the inside of the sleeve instead of on the outside like most men did. His beautifully tanned arms looked oh, so sexy encased inside the pastel shirt. His dark blue trousers perfectly matched his shirt and showed off his 6’3” frame quite nicely.
As he closed the distance between us, he spoke my name again. This time, however, it was very softly. I continued to watch as he walked slowly toward me. Now, he was close enough now for me to see him mouth my name “Susan.” Then he leaned in and whispered gently in my ear… “The school will wait long enough for me to tell you how much I love you. I absolutely adore you. Now, you go off to work and I will be here when you get home.”
I stretched my 5’4” frame up onto the very ends of my tiptoes to hug and kiss him. I didn’t quite reach his ear, so I nuzzled his neck and told him “Just looking at you totally takes my breath away and I love you so much. These past six months have been absolute heaven. I cannot imagine my life without you”
Then, very deliberately, we embraced so tightly not even a sliver of sunlight could separate us …
Slowly, he pulled back and placed a kiss, soft as butterfly wings, on the bridge of my nose. Enclosing my hand inside his capable, even larger hand, he squeezed it long enough to let me know he was reluctant to go, but had to. Releasing my hand and then doing a gentle about face, Tom ambled to his car. Come to think of it, the car was baby blue in color, too. As he backed out of the driveway, he stopped the car in the road long enough to wave to me, blow me a kiss and flash me his wonderful smile. Then off he went. I watched him until I could see the car no more.
I was assigned to Mrs. Anderson’s room that morning. Around 10:00, the rain, which had threatened to ruin many a Labor Day picnic and cookout the day before, decided to quit threatening and came with a vengeance! It was as if Mother Nature had suddenly unzipped the grey/black clouds in the sky and the biggest, fiercest rain drops even created raced each other to the ground. It was unlike any rainstorm I had ever seen. Reaching for the window blind and pulling it up I said “Look, kids, it is raining so hard we can barely see the building over there!”
Finally, with nerves raw from doing rainy day dismissal for 28 students and the exhaustion that comes “the first day back after a holiday” school day, I pulled into the driveway. I turned the car off, closed my eyes in relief that this long, arduous day was over. Still with my eyes closed, I paused for just a moment, replaying in my mind the memory of that scene that morning on the carport with Tom. Enough of this… He will be home soon…I have dinner to make.
I opened the car door and got out. Reaching into the back seat to get a huge eggplant Momma had given me yesterday, I noticed a white van slowly pulling up at the end of the driveway. Since we lived just off a rather busy street, I thought maybe these people need some directions; I’ll wait before going inside.
The van stopped and three men in white shirts and ties got out. Actually, they looked a lot like Mormon missionaries who ride on bikes around town. I thought How odd that they are in a van and there are three of them. There are usually only two. All three of them approached me. As they got closer, I noticed that they did not have on the nametags that would have identified them as missionaries. One man held out his hand and said “Hi, Susan. My name is Dale and I am Tom’s boss.” I tentatively shook his hand, told him that Tom had always spoken highly of him and how pleased I was to finally get to meet him. Then I remembered Tom told me his boss from Albany would be coming over sometime that week to do an evaluation on his work. Okay, now it made sense- sort of. But, wait…I had never heard of an employer visiting a wife of an employee who was getting evaluated. This was just plain weird!
Then, I noticed that the men with Dale were very quiet and did not look happy or at ease about something. Really curious now, I looked back at Dale. He said, “Susan, you know that rain storm this morning?” I shook my head up and down, and then heard him say “Well, as a result of that storm, we received almost 5 inches of rain in an hour. I said “Yes, I even pointed out to my students this morning how fierce the rain was coming down.” Boy, this conversation is getting stranger by the moment! Why would three strange men come all the way from Albany just to talk with me about the weather?
Then, I heard Dale say, “Susan, I am so sorry. During the midst of that storm, about 10:00 this morning, there was a terrible accident on I-75. Tom was involved.”
In that instance, with those words, I knew, without a shadow of doubt that my sweetheart, Tom, was dead and would never be coming home to me. I don’t know how I knew, but I did.
As I collapsed into the arms of those three wonderfully, kind men from IKON, another undeniable thought struck me. Wait! ... Tom… he knew I loved him! I had told him! And I knew…oh, how I knew…he loved me too. He had told me so…in the driveway…just that morning.

update on things

the past month has been super busy for me. I have had company staying/visiting at my house for most every weekend since the reunion...Travis, Sarah, Carol, Joe, Alan (visiting-not staying), Andrew and Joanie. School finally ended but my really intensive class has begun at Valdosta State just this past Monday. It is like no other class I have ever taken.. It is a super concentrated writing class..we do several different kinds of writing assignments... memoirs, poetry, grant writing, administrative memo, and lord know what else... we are going to be published in an anthology-both in print and on line at the National Writing Project website.. I am the only Social Studies teacher participating in this. I cannot tell you how excited I am about this opportunity. If I disappear from the screen for the next 3 weeks or so, just know that I will surface again the first week of July.. :-)

Where did the time go.?

I cannot believe that this school year will be over in just 4 short days! This week will be an unusual one because I have no online homework, I am just basically counting down the hours until Friday, I have no major commitments this weekend (except for being invited to be a guest speaker at the Memorial Day remembrance ceremony this Saturday morning) and I will be able to pick and choose what I want to do after that! I plan to wallow in the experience...!
I was tickled to see all the new babies and their "old" parents this past weekend at the reunion. I cannot believe how many of the little ones running around belong to our branch of the family. It is a shame that Derek lives so far away because I could sure spoil him...I am still trying to do that with my other nieces and nephews here, but so far, Gretchen is the only one of the ones below school age who likes being around me...or at least being around Lacey who is always around me. :-) This past month has been full of work related stress and therefore has not been really good for my diet. I am grateful that each week brings a new beginning to refocus my efforts. My goal is to be 30 pounds lighter by the time school starts back.
I am gonna cut this blog short for tonight because my mind is tired and wandering and my body finally matches my mind....So nite, nite...

Okay Family Members...

If the purpose of this blog was to help us keep in touch....how bout posting some updates.... I feel as though I am in a stalled time warp......!

Random thoughts on a strange day...

It was a strange day...
I got a phone call from Don about noon today. He was in town for Ken Holyoak's funeral. Apparently his good friend, Chuck, had called Don and told him last week that Ken was in the hospital and then called him again when he died. I was saddened at the noise on Sunday at Ken's death because he and his family have been good to me for many years. I was not surprised that Don was in town. I was surprised that he called. It was during my lunch time so I was free to visit for a minute or two. It was weird. He looked kinda like the man I was married to, but was not as openly demonstrative as he was when he was with me. I am not sure why he wanted to visit, but, oh well.... Anyhow, when I came walking out the door, I saw his eyes get big and his mouth visibly dropped. He said " You look great!" I told him "Thank You" and that I felt great! We chatted for a few minutes. During our conversation, he said that Sharon would probably be in a wheelchair by the end of the year because her knee is barely functioning. He also said she is having heart problems. When I heard this, I said that she sounded like me LAST YEAR! I guess when you quite asking the Lord for blessings and you break one of the 10 commandments, He allows things to happen that might not otherwise happen. .. Like her father suddenly dying, her health drastically changing...
I realized in talking to him how blessed I had been in the past year. Don did not look happy or full of joy as I have seen him be in the past. Yet, I know that I have further joy to look forward to because I have been trying to humble myself and listen to the Lord's promptings. My life will continue to get better, while Don's and Sharon's can only get worse because the Lord is not the center of their lives.
I was able to walk away from Don with no tears and a light heart. I still miss what he and I had, but I don't want to be a part of what he has now!
I think I'm getting physically and emotionally better ever day...one day at a time.

Mondays...

Do you think that if we changed the name of the first day of the week to something other than Monday...it would be a better day? Or perhaps if we could just work every other day throughout the week it would be better on everyone concerned. Or if we had the chance to really teach something for the fun of it the last two weeks of the years...would that make the kids settle down more? Just wondering..... As you can tell, it has been one of those days. :-(
Just glad to be home and talk to myself...that way at least I know I have a 50/50 chance of winning an argument or discussion....

Me Casa es u Casa...or something like that

For those of you who have never been to my home...here is the House and Garden/Southern Living/Top 100 Richest Homes in the USA (okay....maybe not that last one) Private Tour. Rates are cheap, beds are comfy and some of the best food available in the Southern part of Ridge Avenue !

I Continue to be grateful...

Letter to God...

Dear Lord,
I am grateful for a good week at work
I am grateful I have a job I love
I am grateful for Fridays because that means THE WEEKEND IS HERE!
I am grateful that my first semester of my Specialist degree is over-for better or worse....it was a really intense one
I am grateful that I now can literally do what I would like on all of my weekends in May... I cannot remember the last time that has happened.
I am grateful to have an exciting class to look forward to starting in June...If it is anything like the pre-institute seminar I attended, I am gonna have a blast and knock out 6 credit hours in 4 weeks!!!
I am grateful for Priesthood blessings, counsel from my Bishop, and answer to prayers.
I am grateful for continued opportunities for my children at Disney
I am grateful for trials and lessons learned....I have found many occasions lately to say to someone "I know how you feel."
I am grateful to have survived my journey to the bottom of the pit of despair. I had many hands reaching out to help me on my journey.
I am grateful for being able to develop the courage to step out of my comfort zone...
Thanks, Lord, for listening to my prayers and giving me the answers and guidance when I NEEDED them and not when I WANTED them...
Love,
Your daughter, Susan

Whew...they're over !!

Well another year of mindless Standardized testing is over. Once again the students were told that Science and Social Studies tests would not count. Also in the newspaper today, there was an article about the Governor's request for an increase in salary for math and science teachers. At this rate, there will be no one to tell the history of this country to anyone because no one will know enough to pass it on to another generation ! That just burns my bootie !!

Life has been pretty upbeat since my last posting. I slept really well after my decision to move on with my life. I have felt renewed in purpose, in spirit, and in my life in general CRCT testing has been going along fairly smooth...Surprise...Surprise! My students have actually been fairly focused and they were so quiet I actually got a lot of work done! How cool was that!
This morning I went to Valdosta for a meeting about the Writing Seminar I am taking this summer. I really had a great time and came away from that meeting excited and looking forward to June. I like the fact I am the only Social Studies teacher class because it will keep me challenged and on my toes. Getting 6 grad school credit hours in 4 weeks time instead of 15 weeks is also exciting!

Exorcising my demons...

My most recent life lesson....Doubt and Indecision are truly the tools of the devil. Being in limbo is a state that I don't want to be in any more in my personal life... Therefore, after several days and numerous hours spent in prayer and a wonderful counseling and consoling visit to my bishop, I have decided that today is the day that I chose to have closure in the recent painful chapter of my life. I was not able to have a choice in the beginning of that chapter. However, I can chose to bring about an end to the time of my life I have known as "Don and Me..." I have cut the final tenous thread that allowed me to hang on. My love for Don has not changed.. It is now relegated to a separate chamber of my heart. I will allow no more personal "picking at the scab on my heart." It is time to leave it alone and let it become a scar. He knows where to find me. I will not torture myself any longer with thoughts of his present life. I will remember my time with him with fondness.
I am not perfect nor do I claim to be. However, there are parts of me that are pretty darn good and special. If no one choses to see that in me-that is their problem--not mine. I cannot fix the problems of those I love. I can only continue to work on me...one day at a time...
I pray that the valleys of my life will be shallow from here on. I want to reach high, to challenge myself, to continue to work on stepping outside my comfort zone.
I am blessed beyond measure with two loving, supportive children. I have better health now that I can remember in a long time. I have a job I love. My days are not boring. I can still see, hold and talk to my parents. I have a wild and crazy family with many strange and unusual fruits and nuts on the family tree!
I am needed by many in my little part of the world. Maybe one day, at long last, I will be granted the desires of my heart. I have had a vision of heaven on earth, but that was a fleeting vision. I will trust in the Lord with my own heart and lean not unto mine own understanding...

Reflections on a pre-Easter day

Warning...read this at your own risk...there is some real honesty in the blog below...
This morning I woke up rather early. It wasn't because I wanted to. I just did. I have been consumed in the past week with thoughts about my life at this time last year. This was the day that Don and I had found the house in town we both were excited to move into. We moved in on Friday,the 18th. I took Don to the emergency room on Sunday, the 20th and then followed the ambulance over to Albany on the 21st. His surgery was done on the 23rd. My life changed drastically after that.
The thoughts that have consumed me recently have been ones of helplessness, loneliness, betrayal, heartbreak and confusion. I appear to be functioning well during the hours I am on my job, but long breaks with hours and hours by myself cause me to reflect. Don't get me wrong...I have not been totally alone. I have had visits from both the Sisters and the Elders. They are my ministering angels these days. I don't have visiting teachers or home teachers and haven't had in at least a year, so the missionaries help feel that need for companionship and priesthood.
I was thinking while I sat outside working on my online school stuff about the Savior and this time of His life. While I can never presume to say, "I know how He felt" , I think I can sense just a morsel of his feelings. He was betrayed by someone he loved. I loved Sharon and would have done anything to help support her in her role as a single mother. I just never knew how she would use that friendship as a way into my life with my beloved husband. Don is not totally blameless, but he was also very vulnerable physically. I have found throughout this year that when I don't feel well physically, it is easy for me to get depressed and feel worthless. Sharon took advantage of my trust in her and that resulted in her betrayal. When I confronted her, she shrugged her shoulders and said "Whatever."
My elder brother took his beloved disciples with Him to the Garden. While he suffered pain, grief and loneliness, these beloved friends of His slept. When I think about how much I love Don, I understand unconditional love. I know many people will say I am crazy to still love Don, but there is no way for me to describe the depth of feelings I have for him or the joy I felt as his wife. So, I cry in silent or suffer loneliness every night now. Sometimes, it gets so bad that I sob uncontrollably. Do I want anyone I love to feel as I do now? Never! Can I understand how much my Savior loved me to take on my pain and suffering? Yes? Can I understand how badly he wants sinners like my Don to find his way back to Him? That is also my heart's desire-for better or worse. I have now lost, in a moment's notice, two men I dearly loved. I have a different outlook on this mortal life as a result of the lessons I learned after Tom's death. I guess that is why I feel such sorrow knowing that Don has not learned those lessons and I cannot help him through the painful way back unless he calls on me. Realistically, I know the possibility is slim that that will every happen. Eternally, I live in hope that it will. if I give up hope for a better life with the one I love, what will I have left? There is no faith without hope, is there? I refuse to give up on my unconditional love I have for Don even if I am the only one who every acknowledges it. My Savior has not given up on me- why? Because He loves me unconditionally-in spite of my faults. Can I do less than He? If I give up in my love for Don, he will be in a world without love. Sharon is not capable of understanding true love because she has never had it in her life. Don has never said he loves her. He has said he is committed to her. They have a relationship that will not last throughout the eternities because it was begun in sin and still resides there.
I am grateful for my Savior and for His willingness to go through pain and suffering for me. I would do anything I needed to for those people I love-even die for them or take their pain and suffering. I would take my parent's physical sufferings on me in a heartbeat if I could. I would stay the rest of my life alone and without companionship in order to have the Lord bless my children with mates who will love them as deeply as I love them. I cannot take upon me the sins of Don, but I can continue to pray that one day he remembers how he felt when the Spirit touched him and that the Lord will eventually lead him back to peace.

4 letter words rule my life these days...

As I sit here at 8:30 in the evening, it is still light outside and a couple of ball games are still going on right next door. How come I am truly ready for bed. and feel so guilty about that desire! As I am sitting on the edge of guilt, I am struck by how 4 letter words are ruling my life these days...
Here are some examples:
CRCT- it starts next week and I think I will lose my mind before it is over with!!
MEET- I hear this word on a daily basis these days...meetings to discuss students, meetings to discuss lesson plans, meetings to discuss the above word CRCT!
WORK- Housework, homework for online class, homework for regular school,--Somedays, it's just really hard to be single, have a job and other responsibilities and no one to talk to or help share the burdens that can be almost overwhelming at times. When I manage to "get it all together" however, it WORKS like a well-oiled machine. :-)
FOOD-I am upset with myself because it seems like I hungry all the time these days and it is so depressing.
HOME-how I love to come home at the end of my day-no matter what kind of day it has been.
PETS-I love the companionship of my Lacey and Skye. They are actually almost becoming friends these days.
KIDS- My own natural born youngins and my 82 "adopted" ones for this year. I also enjoy weeks like this one when I have been visited by about 8 of my former students!
TIME- how it is flying by...sometimes that is good, but it is hard to keep up with it sometimes.

Speaking of which. it is time to conquer my guilt and tell ya'll- I'm gonna go to bed!

Grateful for the small things

After several days of unending rain and thunderstorms, today the sun shined glorious and bright. That was exciting but the fact that we had an unexpected day off from school was really cool!! The rain has washed out several roads and the buses could not run their routes, soo.... Day Off ! Yippee! I know we will have to make it up, but the break comes at a super good time. We are so close to the time for the CRCT and the kids are getting really tired of retesting and reviewing and they are getting crabby. It is nice to have a break and refuel.
I am thankful for simple things like sunshine and free time.

Hellooooooooo everyone out there...

Greetings from the little yellow house on Ridge Avenue. A lot has happened in the last month or so. Let me see if I can work backwards and try to catch anyone who is interested...Here goes..

Today- I was in charge of the Primary Service Activity today. We made "Meals for Missionaries" These meals had either regular egg noodles, the "wacky macky" noodles or rice. The choices of meats were chicken, roast beef or hamburger. I had cooked all the above earlier in the week. I provided various sauces, soups, etc. Did I mention that the top age of my "helpers" was 7 years old!! We made 37 individual, freezer to microwave ready meals and finished the activity about an hour before the thunderstorms set in...

Yesterday- March 27th- I had an absolutely dreadful day at school...so after work I decided to go to Budget Car Sales to see if a key I had received in a mailing was my ticket to a brand new Toyota. It didn't...however, I did leave with a small token...A NEW CAR FOR ME!! Talk about impulse shopping! While there I decided to have the guy run some figures for me. I told him I did not want a car with a payment as high as the one I had just finished paying off. My old van was a 2001 and although it was paid off, you know what that means...repairs! I had a couple of things I needed to fix.

Long story short...I now am the proud owner of a 2006 Dodge Grand Caravan. I think this car is a gift from God. It is only 3 years old, it is a stow and go van, so I don't have to lift bench seats out by myself anymore and it has power slide side doors. You cannot imagine how excited I am about those. I constantly have my arms full either going or coming into my classroom. Now I just push a button and my doors close themselves! Whoo Hoo!! Did I mention I can realistically have my new car paid off in about a year and a half. That will be about the time I finsih my Specialist Degree. Great timing, huh?

Speaking of my Specialist Degree, I will being going to Valdosta State every day during June. I am a participant in the Blackwater Writing Project. It is an intensive month long writing program for 15 teachers throughout SouthEast Georgia. I will be the only Social Studies teacher in the group. At the end of the month, I will have earned 6 Graduate Credit hours. Usually, it takes 15 weeks to do that! I am excited about that opportunity.

I had a visit to Dr. Efaw last week. I have had a change in some of my meds and have been able to gain some of my energy back. I have conquered this year's allergy season after a two month battle. I can breathe out of both nostrils at the same time now! I also got my anti depressant meds change. I have been able to focus mentally so much better and have been able to take care of many things that feel to the wayside the past couple of months. I thank God for this blessing every day.

I am the teacher for the 8-11 year old girls in Primary. There are 13 of them. There is so much that I feel the need to do with these girls to get them ready for Young Women. Many of them come from little to no discipline at home and that certainly is my biggest challenge at the moment. I think there is some progress, but there is still so much to teach them in how to be reverent and young ladies in the Church.

Well, that's about it for now....stay tuned.

I'm still here...

Just a note to let everyone that I am still alive...I have had a difficult month physically. I had a bad fall in the hallway in front of my classrroom. My ankle is doing fine. However, my right knee has given me fits. The workman's comp doc x-rayed it and found that I have degenerative arthritis in that knee. I have no cartlige between the kneecap and the femur. That is what is causing the fiery, needly feeling whenever I touch that knee. Since my first fall, I have tripped 3 times and, of course, I ended up landing on that knee. I have also been really fighting the cough, sneezy, sinus crud that is going around and around and around the school. So far, I am losing the fight. :-) I am just trying to do the basics I need to survive everyday and have been going to bed by 9:00 most nights. So there it is...it has been a really sick month! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Odds and Ends

I realized how fast time has flown when I checked the date of my last post...somehow, I can't remember having much fun this past few days as time flew by. :-)
My thanks to all of you who called or communicated in someway your wishes for a Happy Birthday to me. It truly was a rather pleasant day-all things considered. Just another quiet evening at the old homeplace with the furry girls. Oh yeah, and did I mention the trip to the Emergency Room...
I found that I can now wear some shoes with heels on them (thanks to Carol I have some more footwear choices) Well....on Monday, walking down the hall to my classroom while wearing said footwear...I did a sudden, but dare I say graceful.....wait for it.....it's coming....fall on the level hallway just in front of the video camera on the 1st hall! Yes, I stunned both my knees by promptly pressing all feeling out of them as I ever so slightly turned my ankle, which I secretly believe was the cause of the fall and not some mysterious speck of dust on the floor. I was shaken, but not stirred and continued on with my day. About 8:00 that evening, I looked down at my ankle and did not recognize it! It seemed to have grown in size and had a couple of "ripples" in it. I also realized that it was throbbing also...Knowing Mr. Murphy and his infamous Law, I knew that if I DIDN't get it checked out, it would probably fall off by morning. Also knowing that if I tried to outsmart Mr. Murphy and actually go get it checked, there would be nothing wrong with it. Since it was still relatively early in the evening and knowing that if I spent the usual 5 hours in the ER, I might still get home in time for a couple hours of sleep before school, I limped to the car and trundled myself to the said ER. Lo and behold, I was back home before midnight!! The ER doctor had taken some xrays of my foot/ankle area, and even though he didn't know it was my birthday, he gave me 4 little white pills in a rather charming small brown bottle.! How di he know that things in small brown bottles are one of my favorite things!
I am happy to report that although I am not quite ready to run a marathon and I have some new greenish/blue areas on my knees and ankle, I am no longer limping...I look forward to my next adventure with " The Shoes With The Real Heels On Them...."

Update on me

It has been a couple of weeks of challenges and triumphs for me. I finallly won the initial battle with Valdosta State. I am completely registered and have actually started the first of 9 classes I will need to obtain my Educational Specialist degree. There were some tech glitches on both my part and VSU's part the first three days of class, but I was able to access class and get my homework done on Friday--two whole days early!
I also started an intensive walking workout this evening in preparation for something I have never done before. Inspired by Travis' performance in the recent Disney marathon, Travis, Sarah and I have decided to participate in the Disney Royal Family 5K walk/run on March 7th at Epcot. I can walk a mile in about 18 mins, but I need to get it to a minimum of 15 mins in order to qualify for this. I feel "nothing ventured-nothing gained." Maybe it will help me push through the plateau I seem to be at with my weight. I have also signed up with our new WOW (watching our weight) program we have started for faculty at Eighth Street. We have our first official workout tomorrow and believe it or not, I am excited!
I had a wonderful day today. I was able to take the Elders and Sisters, along with Rodney Burns, to Andersonville today. It was a really good visit because we were basically the only people there. We especially wanted to visit the Little Drummer Boy Museum in the actual town of Andersonville because it has some really cool and unique items in it. Much to our dismay, it had a closed sign on the door when we pulled up. I noticed that although the door was closed, it did not have a lock on it and there was a light on. I pushed open the door and the gentlement sitting there told me that they were closed for their yearly maintainence. As I was leaving, he told me that I looked familiar. I told him that I bring my students to Andersonville every year. He then told me that was where he recognized me from. He asked who I was here with and when I told him I was here with our missionaries. Lo and behold, he let us into the museum and did not even charge us! I know the Lord had a hand in that particular experience.

What the heck happened! ..

I got up early this morning with the goal of getting to school about 7:15 so I could beat the crowds to the copy machines. I know no one will believe me, but I actually did not do a lick of school work over the Christmas break. I thought about it...but then several good books, a wedding reception, a couple of short jaunts to Orlando seemed to grab my attention more. Therefore, I was not even close to being ready for today. Thus, my eagerness (?) to arrive early to get a jump on things. WELL...it was shortly after 9:00 when I discovered that even though I was dressed, I did not have my phone in its usual "holder." I discovered this when I needed to make a really important phone call to Valdosta State. Thankfully, Catie arrived at my room about the same time my panic started to set in and while I was in the first meeting of the day, she walked home for me and got it. She had perfect timing (again) because she returned just as the meeting was breaking up. I called VSU to see if they had received my transcript from Albany State yet. Albany State had already set two transcripts to VSU in the month of December which somehow did not make it there. I was told that I should call back about 4:30 to see if it had arrived. I was also told that it VSU didn't have my "official" sealed transcript, I would not be able to start my Specialist degree program until MAY!! Mind you, I had started the process of application back during the middle of November. Knowing that Murphy likes to mess with my life, I decided that the only way for my transcript (and thus full acceptance, financial aid process, etc.) to go from ASU to VSU today was by courier...ME! When I reached that decision, I could not find my principal, nor my team administrator to ask permission to leave . I finally came across a 7th grade administrator and she gave me permission. So Catie and I went from Tifton To Albany to Tifton to Valdosta and back to Tifton--all by 2:30 today. By the way...the Graduate School business office is on N. Patterson just a couple of blocks down from where we used to live when we were in Valdosta. I had no problem finding the "old homeplace" but finding N. Patterson after some 37 years was interesting to say the least... On the way back from Valdosta I received a "courtesy" call from VSU to tell me they had received my transcripts! I was too tired at that point to relay to the lady just exactly how the transcript had been delivered to her...I just told her thank you for the info. Then she informed me that the "committee" would be meeting on Wednesday and I would get an email on Thursday telling me whether the committee had decided to accept me for the program or not! Did I mention that classes start next Monday...a week from today...two school days after my fate had been decided by the committee...Nothing like taking it right down to the wire! Needless to say, my Blood pressure meds have really had a workout today!

And the new power word is....

Resilient: springing back, rebounding, returning to the original form after being bent, compressed or stretched; recovering readily from illness, depression, adversity or the like, buoyant.
I like this word because it expresses an attitude I want to have within my soul. I like to hope that there is still some energy somewhere deep inside me to help me spring back to my former happy, content and peaceful self. I might be a bit tarnished, bruised and even cracked on both my inner and outer self, but I feel there is enough hope and faith mixed with lots of praying that will help me become resilient. I keep thinking of the saying "Be patient with me...God isn't finished with me yet!"

What happens in Orlando...stays in Orlando!

Hey! Even I let loose once in a while !

Pics of Ally and Ryan's Tifton reception

I am not good at adding slide shows (yet) so please forgive my amaturish attempt. Also, I did not pick the music that goes with this presentation.... Hey...it's the pics that count!!

http://www.photoshow.net/watch/Kh8XZ9Jg

Someone in my family is getting old...

I cannot believe that Sarah is officially 29 years old today! Boy, she sure did get old fast! Seriously, I cannot believe that I have been blessed to have had her in my life for all these years. She is tall, has naturally curly hair and can sing....all attributes that I do not have! However, I know she is mine because she is so much like me in many ways. I am so proud of her accomplishments thus far in her life. She has done so many things "outside the box" and continues to raise the bar for her own personal expectations. She has such a strong testimony of the Gospel and the power of prayer. She is not perfect by any means, but I think she is pretty well on her way! I can still remember in vivid detail the week surrounding her birth. I was feeling so lonely and pregnant when all of the sudden there was a knock on my door. Lo and behold, Carol and Nancy were standing there. They had decided to come up and keep me company until I had "whoever" I had. (I had no idea of the gender of either of my children prior to their birth. Even with Sarah, there was some temporary doubt because of the size of her shoulders. She was (and still is) absolutely beautiful to me. There are so many things about her personality that I adore. Most of all, I love the fact that she loves her family so deeply and will do anything for anyone who asks. Since I was only blessed with one daughter, I am sure grateful she picked me!!!